once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
the liver wants what the liver wants
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Randomize
