I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
