Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
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