i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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