I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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