im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
