just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
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