His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
