Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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