Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
