I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
