Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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