Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
