Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
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Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
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