I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Randomize