I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
