no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
