if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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