Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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