We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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