Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Randomize
