Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
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ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
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Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize