Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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