Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I am mentally ready for anal.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
