i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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