I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
