If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
