help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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