A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
