Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Randomize
