Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Randomize
