Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I pour the whiskey from now on
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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