cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
