I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
