I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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