every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize
