we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
you would pick up someone in the library
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
