What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
