I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
