just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
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