i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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