I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Randomize
