i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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