I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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