Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
