You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
