I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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