I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize