are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
