i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Randomize
