I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I'm always down for nudity.
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