and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
