Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
