Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
