I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Randomize
