Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
