you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Randomize
