You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
