Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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