a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Randomize
