I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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