I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
as a side note pls kill me
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
