I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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