May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
