he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Randomize
