I just made out with a guy for $7.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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